Does it keep you up at night?
Does it chase you in your dreams?
Does rip you up inside, tearin at the seams?
Does it burn up like a star, falling from above?
Does it feel like Love?

Does it feel like love?
You know it feels like love…
You know it feels like love….to me

Today I met, through more research, Nehanda. Nehanda was a woman in Africa who told the people that they had a right to fight for their land that was essentially stolen by Cecil Rhodes. And her people listened to her and believed her and followed her.

I wish I could say that these people won. They did not. Nehanda was captured and the local Jesuit priest, Father Richartz tried to convert her, but she would have none of it. She demanded to be returned to her people. Instead, they carried her to the scaffold where she proclaimed, “My bones shall rise again. Then they hanged her.

The girls of this region learn from this woman known as the grandmother of Zimbabwe. Her bones rise again and again as women are raised to be brave and true and honest and committed to their right.

Granted, it takes me awhile to catch on or maybe digging deeper doesn’t just create a personal cave or maybe it does.

I often wondered how people can live with themselves when they seem to be such Biatches. I realized this week that sometimes people think that of me. And the worst and best part of that is…I don’t care. Okay I do care, but I care less then I used to.

List of values.

1. Be responsible
2. Be dependable

If you don’t have these same values, well that’s okay. We probably won’t be great friends, but we can still be something.

To me what is important is waking up and identifying what are our own driving forces. It helps define our unique selves to ourselves. Sometimes this can be a tad painful as we recognize our quirkiness. Sometimes, this can be liberating as we shed old rusty excuses and discover we can stand smelling our own morning breath.

Waking up. It’s all-good. In 16 hours you can go back to sleep and be at peace with the world for at least 6 hours barring bathroom breaks.

Unless your value is roll over or is it roll under. Personally, I just want to have a roll there. In my house you can depend on it.

I remember my grandparents coming to visit me in Mexico after Saac was born. My grandmother was holding Saac. She looked at me and said, “Do you feel like a mother yet?”

I looked at her and truthfully said, “No. I don’t feel old enough to be a wife! Aren’t I just 15? ”

She looked at me and laughed and said, “That’s how I feel too! And here I am holding my great grand son, but I’m just 15!”

It was a moment. Granddaughter and grandmother were just two girls of the same mind. Two 15 year-old-girls.

I’ve grown up since then! Okay, maybe not.

Enjoy!

Watching the sun
Watching it come
Watching it come up over the rooftops.

Cloudy and warm
Maybe a storm
You can never quite tell
From the morning.

And it’s going to be a day
There is really no way to say no
To the morning.

Dan Fogelberg

Lately, I have been giving some thought to motivation. Not the inspiring kind of motivation, but the individual internal kind.

So, I have been doing some research to try to understand what motivates people to do what they do. I think I am really trying to determine the intrinsic desire of humans…. at least the sane ones. And perhaps that’s my first mistake, the assumption that any of us are sane.

I found this rather definitive motivational breakdown describing the four basic motivational factors.

Recognition-People who are motivated by “Recognition” are interested in respect, admiration, regard, esteem, notoriety and celebrity.

Influence-Those whose primary motivator is “Influence” find power, control, competition, independence and order to be most important.

Internal- If you are motivated by “Internal” factors, then morals, duty, intellect, creativity, philanthropy, and honor are important to you.

Profit -”Profit” motivated people strive for success with money, possessions, acquisitions, wealth, income and growth.

I fluctuate between wondering what are people’s motives and why the heck should I care. Why should any of us care? Kind of goes in the realm of worrying about what people think. Unfortunately, the motives of others affects others and I am apart of “others”. And that is why I care.

Recognizing and understanding the above factors should teach me about my own motivation. In truth I believe we all are motivated by all of these factors to some degree. Deciding the order of importance with unabashed honesty can be enlightening and perhaps painful and maybe motivational… don’t you think?

This week-end I watched THE INSIDER with Al Pacino. It was based on a true story about the tobacco industry and how 60 Minutes’ reputation was tarnished over how they chose to NOT disclose all that they knew to protect jobs, theirs and by extension the tobaccos. Mike Wallace was asked why he allowed this to occur. In the movie, he said something like, ‘it doesn’t matter about all the good things you might have done in your life, what people remember is the last thing you did.’ I might add people seem to always remember the worst things as well.

So at 52 I am contemplating that thought. Someone once asked why I gave a rip about what others thought. And yet I do and if you are honest at all you will recognize that you do as well. I look at this little girl who I once was. I have been told I was a very happy baby. Well, you can tell I was well fed! What I believe is she didn’t give a rip….yet. AND, she was happy! Double AND, her being authentic quite naturally made others happy too! I think I miss her. Now, some who know me might say I don’t act like I care too much about what people think. What my wish this year is to care what SHE thinks. At the end of my life that is what will matter most to me anyway.

In the mean time, Thanks to all who were kind enough to extend birthday wishes today. I appreciate being remembered. Always nice to hear and read what you are thinking.

( I crack myself up!)

Dear Body,

Thank you for your letter(s) over the last few months. After careful consideration, I heretofor inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me the position I applied to in your company.

This year I have received an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite your obvious qualities and skills in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection letter does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will be arriving to work Monday morning promptly at 8:00 a.m. Please have someone there with my key and employee paper work ready to fill out. I would like to get that taken care of before 10:00 a.m. I look forward to seeing you then.

Continued luck in rejecting other applicants.

Sincerely,

Pamela Bowman

Does this count?