Pamela Jo Bowman

I have many moments where I think, “what is the point”? It doesn’t matter what project I am working on, some days I wonder why I ever thought “it” was important or worth my time and energy.

Today I finished a book called THE HELP. As I came closer and closer to the end of the book I became more and more anxious because I knew it was going to end. The characters I had discovered and learned to love, or not love so much, would soon be a memory of my imagination.

However, the lessons those characters learned and by extension, I learned, are still rolling around in my head and in my heart. Ideas and thoughts and feelings have reminded me of values and ideals I value and cherish and want to embody.

How could reading or writing or painting or composing ever be a waste of time? How could I ever think creating does not have a point.

Creating IS the point.

It was March of 2008 when we started this journey with AMAI.

Today, we wrote the ending scene.
AMAZING! Now the fun begins.

Selling this puppy.

But first, I think I will sleep and eat and drink Dr. Pepper.
I hope it is a warm day tomorrow because I’m biking
and swimming and chilling for an entire day!

Want to come have fun in the Arizona sun?

Oh YEA!

As I ride in the morning I often see this visually interesting shot. I want a crane to get the movement without the camera shadow. I think, movie? music video? documentary? hmmm. By the time I get to the park I pretty much have forgotten about the shot. After all by then I have moved on to movie ideas, the thought of falling into the canal, the scene re-write for the day, the man wearing a purple jogging suit (rather unattractive, shouldn’t someone tell him?) and all the little chores I am suppose to take care of that day. Day after day, except cloudy ones, I see the image again and I remember again and I begin again. That could be a great shot. The subtext. The rough gray wall, the shadow and movement. I arrive at the cement picnic table breathless because a.) I’m tired and b.) I see this. Blinded with the possibilities of this life, my life. Back on the bike. So much I want to learn and do and see. Chasing that shadow that is always a tad ahead of me. Keep pumping. Keep pumping. Keep pumping.

Wow.
Have I mentioned that writing is hard?

I should perhaps clarify.

Having someone read your work, the work you spent 6 months researching. The work you spent another month outlining. The work you spent 6 months writing only to have “people” read it and say, “nice writing, but ( I HATE that word) needs to be more dramatic.

Do you remember seeing Popeye get so mad that steam was coming out of his ears?
That would be me.

I have been reading a lovely book this month. (my Christmas gift I give to myself every year) This book was written especially for writers, BIRD BY BIRD, breaks writing down and also encourages the writer in ways that I find validating and possible. One of the chapter’s talks about letting the character tell their story. I shared this tidbit with my writing partner and while she traveled she thought about it and came up with ideas on how to improve the story mentioned above..

Of course she had to sit me down for a chat and gently explain that the story needed to be rewritten. I was stunned, hurt, disillusioned and well, frankly, I ate a lot last week.

This morning I woke up and realized that they or she or whoever was right. It does need to be more dramatic and more exciting. I know this story and I can do that and further more, I will!

Did I mention that writing is hard?

ARGHH, One of the things I tell my clients, my friends, my family is back it up! That means investing in an external hard drive or paying an online back up program. I say go for both! I believe that everyone will be utilizing the online back up programs in the near future. These companies must have back ups themselves or they would be… not smart. The problem I hear right now is that you need to have internet to upload and download and that it can take a chunk of time to do it. Then if, the worse happens, and it will, you have to retrieve that info and it will take TIME! Oh yea, computers are suppose to save that!

So for the last two days guess what I have been doing? Even though I backed up my files, programs and information I still had to spend time re-installing the software. That’s right folks. Your back up saves your information, not your programs. Once you re-install the programs, you can link your info back in. I know of no easy way to get through this except one mind numbing minute at a time. Another reason to keep those serial numbers. And don’t store those on your computer for obvious reasons. Right now your serial numbers can be located in the file called…about (blank) blank meaning the name of each and everyone of your software programs. Go on check it out and right them down. On a piece of paper… with a pen. You remember how to use those right? Don’t tell me latter. Latter might, no, will be too late!

So, if any of you creative genius’ are looking to make a million or more, may I suggest figuring out a simple way to back up programs, info and files? I’d really like to get back to what I love doing… writing.

Love the stories we are working on! LOVE THEM. (sorry I digress)

And, fortunately, I backed those up in a really weird way. I E-mailed the current version like an hour before the melt down occurred. THANK GOODNESS! Still, these last two days have been very unpleasant. There has been crying and weeping and chocolate intake. I am off to beat Ben up in Wii boxing.

Almost finished! Page 90 of a 120-page screenplay. I like it so much that I WANT others to read it. I am so close to turning it over to “the editor.” Besides finding all my grammatical errors, spelling errors, and verb tense errors, she is able to see where it is weak AND she is excellent with adding the little details … details that I assume everyone knows but it turns out that I thought about them but that they are only in my head!

Today, I found Robert Mugabe’s address and email. I am seriously going to write to him and ask for an interview. I mean why wouldn’t he want to tell the world about the first Mrs. Mugabe. She was a strong, determined force of good for the young country of Zimbabwe. I have learned it never hurts to ask! Everyone else thinks I am nuts for wanting to do it but I’ve tilted at windmills before.

So, Cyndi, Alec and I have been working on a short. I think we will shoot it soon, hopefully before she moves to Los Angeles. She’s been threatening to move for years but I think she means it this time. This last week we did a small film shoot of a Celtic Concert. It has been over six months since we were in production! We forgot how much fun it is. I spent yesterday editing. I love editing. For the last three years, she has been trying to get me to consider working on more than one project at a time. I told her I don’t work that way. So she schedules a film shoot, a meeting to pitch ideas, an editing session, a writing deadline. I find myself working on several projects at once. She has her way of getting her way. Smart girl.

It is spring when everything seems possible in spite of how it all seems so improbable. Can’t you feel it in the air? Change and hope and sunny skies and sometimes the rain to make everything grow … even me.

Yesterday we had a business lunch. I always get a little quiet during these little meet and greets. I think it is warranted. There have been so many times that we have met with someone and shared our ideas and plans and then find they have taken our idea, knowledge or connections and have used it to benefit their plans leaving us in the dust. So I watch and observe and keep my mouth shut and listen.

While we were at Sundance this year I watched the different filmmakers as they cautiously networked with one another. Never quite sure who would be their friend or next business opportunity, they knew they had to be vulnerable because they can’t do everything themselves… well some can, but I believe the work suffers. Another story!

So back to lunch. Cyndi was quite in her element, asking questions, getting answers, providing comic relief, being her intelligent self. I guess the man couldn’t take it anymore. He finally looked at me and asked a question. I began talking to him about our stories and plans and hopes. I mentioned several of our projects and there was one that he latched onto and confirmed his belief that it was a great story.

As we said our farewells, His comment was something like, “You need to talk more.” I told him that if I talked more I couldn’t be listening. I think he got it, but so did I.

There is something wonderful about having our story ideas validated. Who knows, he might be calling one of his writer friends and telling them about it. Or maybe we found another team player. Sure hope so. If we have learned anything we have learned filmmaking is a collaborated effort with people you can trust. And being able to express myself without judgement does build trust. We don’t all have to agree, but to be in a space of mutual respect and consideration made me feel good about me… and about him.

I had a teacher once who asked the class why they wanted to be an artist. Some responded because they wanted to make money. Her response to ANY art student whose goal was to make a living at art was, well, something like, if you want to make money, you should go into business or law or something like that. She continued on to say that the only reason you should choose art as a way of living is for the love of it. She did admit there were a few who made money, a ton of it, but usually they were already dead. She suggested artists usually have other jobs, mindless jobs, that provide the time and energy to pursue their passion. This teacher is now my business partner. We are the struggling artists because we passionately love our art form, writing. Our primary motivation is not to make money, but we are convinced we will. We believe in our stories. We love the process of writing them and we believe in ourselves and our ability to write. We know that when we pitch our stories to the powers that be that they will buy them, we aren’t convinced we will sell them. It is a control issue.

I know people who are artists. They have other jobs that steal their time and energy away as they purchase the necessities of life. They talk about carving out time in the summer or in the evenings to paint or compose or write, but they don’t. They dream of it as they drive to work, they set goals at their lunch breaks to accomplish a little bit of art work, then they drive home exhausted and their will has been lost. They like the “idea” of being an artist, but the reality of actually working? Not so appealing. Some argue that you need to take care of your responsibilities and I agree, sort of. I asked a married couple if they could do anything they wanted what would they do. They started to think about it and then pulled back. “We have kids and a house and we can’t just give up all of that to pursue our own dreams! What if we failed?” My response? “What if you succeeded?!”

Working on a historical screenplay is more difficult than writing an original screenplay! When I first started researching “the ladies” I thought, “Wow! This is going to write itself!” Now that we have done the outline and the 22 steps and discussed these characters until they haunt me day and night, I have become pathetic on the details. My writing partner is getting a tad impatient with me. “What difference does it make what the name of the ship was? What does that have to do with the story?”

Perhaps she is right, but I think details make the story real and alive. I start writing a scene and then I grab all the books and start looking for information that verifies the story line. This is more time consuming because frankly I have memory issues. I doubt what I am recalling and wonder where I read it or even if I read it or imagined it! So I keep re-researching to make sure I have the facts straight. Now I have to cut myself some slack. No one else will! We are also researching some other stories and they start to bleed into one another. That’s not a problem, right?

Funny thing happened this week. Cyndi asked me, “How many magistrates were in the court room?” What was fun was that I KNEW the answer. Instead I just looked at her, narrowed my eyes and said, “Hmmm, what does that little detail have to do with the story?” Now that was fun! I grabbed the RIGHT book, flipped open to the correct page and read the answer to her. What a historical moment that was! GREAT FUN!