Archive for the 'Realizations' Category

… If Only

Posted by Pamela on July 17th, 2008

In doing this project, I have come to a place where I realize that there is no one else to blame. It turns out that the ultimate success or failure ends up being on me because of the resources I found, or used, or was able to make available to me. At the end of the day, there were many people who offered advice and made suggestions but it was my choices, my decisions, my skill level and my effort that have given and will give the ultimate shape to the documentary. Unlike the Africa films, this project was my idea. It feels different. It is a daunting responsibility. Paralyzing sometimes. But, thus far, I am able to keep moving toward the goal, hopeful that people will like it. And still in my head I hear, “If only … ”

“The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.” — Robert Albert Bloch
I really need to smile more.

JUSTIFY: To pronounce free from guilt or blame; to declare or prove to have done that which is just, right, proper, etc.; to absolve; to exonerate; to clear.

“A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.” — John Burroughs
Stop blaming me because I will never blame you.

“Men use thoughts only to justify their wrongdoings and words only to conceal their thoughts.” — Voltaire
Here I am blathering away with words!

“You never find yourself until you face the truth.” — Pearl Bailey
Hmmm. Finding oneself is so over rated. The heck with the truth. I know there is someone somewhere I can blame.

…if only

Teen Angel

Posted by Pamela on July 13th, 2008

cjgreen1.jpgWatch a movie about Ciera Jo Brooke

I discovered with Ciera Jo the fun of being a parent. I enjoyed Ciera as a baby. I appreciated how short the time was before she was grown and gone. I savored every moment and had fun watching every stage SHE discovered in her own life. I wasn’t in a hurry to get her to walk or talk. Being around older siblings her entire pre-teen life has made her wise beyond her years. The other day she reminded me that she will always be our baby. I want to remind her that she will always be loved. Click on the picture to watch her grow up right before your eyes.

Why Reinvent the Wheel?

Posted by Pamela on May 4th, 2008

What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, ‘This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!’ Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, ‘Never have I heard anything more divine’? — Friedrich Nietzsche

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” — Albert Ellis

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” — Bernice Johnson Reagon, African American Composer

“High minds, of native pride and force, most deeply feel thy pangs, Remorse; Fear, for their scourge, means villains have, Thou art the torturer of the brave.” — Sir Walter Scott

Where Did It Go?

Posted by Pamela on April 25th, 2008

We visited two friends in the hospital this week. Both patients are in serious condition. And sitting by their side are their spouses with such looks of bewilderment. I looked into their eyes and saw the disbelief at what might occur for them. A lifetime, a moment, a marriage. Where did it all go? Withered hands reached out and touched the faces they knew so well. Wiping a brow, patting a cheek, tracing the lines etched around their eyes and I know they barely remember days when it was smooth.

In the waiting room they sat and looked … lost. So a part of the other person, so used to holding the familiar hand, comforted by the very smell, the accustomed voice, even the taste of their skin, their breath, their kiss. The years of work, worry and wonder welded them into the wish forever after.

We also attended three weddings this week. Young love, young lives, yearning right now for the unity that will take years of living and giving and taking to achieve. Reach out and hold each other’s hand … then hang on. It’s going to be a wild ride, but in the end you’ll want to go again if you remember to laugh, if you trust enough to cry and brave enough to share what you think and feel and believe.

To be loved gives you courage, to love gives you strength.

Courage

Posted by Pamela on April 24th, 2008

There is a story in the bible of Jesus teaching in the temple when he was still a child. I love that story for many reasons. Today I love that story because, to me, it shows that those who loved him loved him truly. I believe that when you are truly loved it gives you courage. He was unafraid to do what He wanted and needed to do. He did not need his parents by his side to encourage him or his friends to motivate him. He had the courage, I believe, because He knew He was loved unconditionally. This love liberated Him, even as a child, to do His thing alone.
courage.jpg
To me this is really love. Not just parental love, but that deeper, sacred, can’t even define it, kind of love. That is what I wanted and still want to give my children, courage. If they are self motivated to discover what they want independent of me and then have the ambition to go after it then I know they know they are loved.

As they develop other relationships and those relationships are based on that same kind of love, then they will continue to have the courage to do what they want with their lives. In turn as they love others it will only increase their own strength, as those they love are able to have the courage to pursue their life goals and desires. Kind of cool I think..

Something to think about if you want to know if you have the “real” thing that enables you to be the “real” you.

The Seasoned Tree

Posted by Pamela on April 9th, 2008

The seasons remind me that all will be different tomorrow.
Seasons equate change. So do you and so do I.
And some things appear unchanged.
Appearances hide what we choose to not see.
Reflections reveal more of what still exists
Transparent from pink blossoms to summer harvest
Last splash of color subsides in the snow mist.
The seasons come around again reminding me
All will be similarly different and hidden again.

Change is a good thing…Right?

Posted by Pamela on April 5th, 2008

Wistie called and said. Mom, what did you do to your page? I could tell she did not like it. I don’t think she likes change. The times are changing so get on board or miss the train! Good thing she hasn’t seen my hair cut yet!

Sassy

Posted by Pamela on March 30th, 2008

Who gave this girl permission to grow up? I know it wasn’t me!

cheaster.jpg cheaster2.jpg
DSC_0128.jpg

Intimacy

Posted by Pamela on March 30th, 2008

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA, ARIZONA — “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.” — George Washington

Spring should be a time of new growth. The weather is warmer. The flowers are blooming. And yet I feel such melancholy. It is the time of year that symbolizes new birth, but that also is possible because of death. I don’t think I have always felt this way at this time of year but I do now. Memories flood back of moments gone by. Words that weren’t spoken, thoughts that were not expressed. Now those words cannot be said and those thoughts are buried deep in the frozen past.

Recently, I have received many “forwards” from people and I have viewed many movies with themes to suggest that every moment should not pass without genuine affection between friends and family. I am approaching that age that some of my peers are no more. Mortality is so ever present.

I am constantly reminded, there is no time to dwell in the past. There is no time to fret over the future. There is only the here and now.

And, yet, I move through my days, hesitant and wary of making too many or too drastic changes for fear of upsetting those around me, saying to myself, “Not, now. Maybe later. Maybe tomorrow.” Our film, BAD TIMING, is now on the Internet Movie Database. In the film world, there is now a site that recognizes that I, Pamela Jo Bowman have produced a film. Instead of feeling like I’ve reached an important milestone, the page occurs only as a beginning, a list of what I have started — a page that reminds me of what I have yet to do. Can I? Will I? The ticking clock is a wonderful cinematic device but it is daunting for a human being. Every passing season becoming one less season to accomplish all I hope to finish. Every existing moment giving me another opportunity to do all that I want.

Realize courtesy to self counts. I have withstood the shock of the adversary. I am entitled to the appellation.

The Daffodil Principle

Posted by Pamela on March 24th, 2008

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA, ARIZONA — This has been floating around the internet for a while. A friend sent it to me yesterday and it made me smile, again.

“Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, “Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over.” I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead “I will come next Tuesday”, I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn’s house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren. “Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!” My daughter smiled calmly and said, “We drive in this all the time, Mother.”

daffodil01.jpg“Well, you won’t get me back on the road un til it clears, and then I’m heading for home!” I assured her.

“But first we’re going to see the daffodils. It’s just a few blocks,” Carolyn said. “I’ll drive. I’m used to this.”

“Carolyn,” I said sternly, “Please turn around.”

“It’s all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.”

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, ” Daffodil Garden .” We got out of the car, each took a child’s hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.

It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different colored variety was planted in large groups so that i t swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.

“Who did this?” I asked Carolyn. “Just one woman,” Carolyn answered. “She lives on the property. That’s her home.” Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house.

On the patio, we saw a poster. “Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking”, was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. “50,000 bulbs,” it read. The second answer was, “One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain.” The third answer was, “Began in 1958.”

daffodil02.jpgFor me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I h ad never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.

That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time–often just one baby-step at time–and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world .

“It makes me sad in a way,” I admitted to Ca rolyn. “What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it ‘one bulb at a time’ through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!”

daffodil03.jpg

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. “Start tomorrow,” she said.
She was right. It’s so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, “How can I put this to use today?”
Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting…..
Until your car or home is paid off
Until you get a new car or home
Until your kids leave the house
Until you go back to school
Until you finish school
Until you clean the house
Until you organize the garage
Until you clean off your desk
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married
Until you get a divorce
Until you have kids
Until the kids go to school
Until you retire
Until summer
Until spring
Until winter
Until fall
Until you die…
There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don’t need money.
Love like you’ve never been hurt, and,
Dance like no one’s watching.
Wishing you a beautiful, daffodil day!
Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. ”