Pamela Jo Bowman

Don’t you hate it when you have moments when the best thing you should do is find a cave, crawl in and stay there until nighttime comes and the blood sucking vampire that faces you from your mirror has been stabbed with that wooden stake through its heart?

Today, I was walking toward the office and that feeling washed over me of unrevealed, unwarranted, unwelcomed and certainly unwanted anger. All day long, Cyndi received the wrath of unfiltered words and thoughts. She hung in there and finally said, “Spill Pam. Why are you so mad?”

“Mad” is a good word. It connotes insanity. I have no reason to be angry and yet I was feeling angry. She had the misfortune to be in my line of fire and I blasted away. She alternated between trying to get me to talk or talking to me. I just yelled at her and told her to shut it. I glared at her intrusive and endless questioning. She was bound and determined to find the root of my evil temper. What a huge waste of time! There is no root, just fruit.

Eventually, I passed through it. She put the wooden stake back in the drawer. I got busy writing and I found myself starting to feel happy again. I found humor. I found laughter.

When I left she said she was glad that this day was over and I was “more normal” again. I said, “What if that mad woman is who I really am?” She laughed out loud but I could see a hint of fear in her eyes. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Madness | 1 Comment »

This is always a busy time of year. School “year-end’ activities, spring cleaning, yard work, allergies, waiting for Cannes to let us know that they loved our movie, picking up returning college students, sending off kids for summer adventures, finishing another documentary, continue writing on this most amazing screenplay, researching another very important and timely writing project, wash the windows, clean the garage, ride my bike to work every day, pay attention to a 12-year old, ignore young adults who act like 12 year olds. Breathe. More of this life stuff. Pay attention to these moments that make up this life stuff.

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” — Norman Cousins

Remember those long Indian summer evenings when the sun was setting and all the neighborhood kids were lying on their backs looking at the darkening sky, waiting, waiting, waiting for it to be dark enough for hide and seek?

The moment when everything seemed possible the happiness of being alive bubbled up and out into giggles. Hugging our legs we could smell the grass stains between the knee lines. We could taste the fresh green grapes squirting juice between our teeth. The breeze had died to a whimper. Dogs distantly bark and mothers call errant children in for the night.

One evening, as the first star slowly appeared, I had my first existential inquiry. In comparison to that star, I am as small as this ant on this blade of grass. How is that possible? How is any of this possible? Someone make sense out of how we came to be. Ollie, ollie, oxen free. I’m it. It’s too dark to see. If I stay close to the light pole I will always be safe, but that isn’t really playing the game, is it.

Star bright, star light, wish I may, wish I might, not ever had thought about your light in this the darkest of dark nights. Chase away the thought and play the game.

Madness | 5 Comments »

BY WOTYA, MESA, ARIZONA — Last week, we went to the Hyatt at Gainey Ranch for the Woman of the Year Dinner. After a difficult year, it was a night of fun and celebration. Pam was the chauffeur for the evening, driving Tammy’s Porsche Carrera, We started the journey by heading out on a back road so we could floor the Porsche and feel the engine kick in. It definitely has some get up and go. The car has a million gadgets, bells and whistles. It makes noise if the car gets too close to anything when you’re backing up. It beeps if you get to close the wall when you’re pulling into the garage. It made almost as much noise as the three of us laughing and being silly. Our trip was a lot more fun than Jeanette’s! She drove down from Flagstaff for the dinner and had to go home afterwards. Four hours of driving for a three-hour dinner.

None of us would have been at the Hyatt if it weren’t for the tenacity, inspiration and intuition of Pamela Jo. She’s the one who had the idea. As you may recall, Pamela Jo nominated me for Woman of the Year for my teaching career and the FilmZambia project. I was totally surprised that I was selected in August. Sponsored by KEZ 99.9 and Schumacher Mercedes Benz, nominees got a wonderful basket of goodies upon being selected. The dinner was just MORE of an already good thing. We got two main courses for dinner (petite filet mignon AND Chilean sea bass … which Pamela did NOT eat), a delightful salad and THREE desserts. The other eleven finalists were in attendance including several of the winners from previous years. Arizona Superior Court Justice Ruth McGregor spoke about her path to the Court as one of the first women to come through law school following the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Since we’re getting close to finishing the film, it was an especially sweet evening.

Madness | 10 Comments »

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA ARIZONA - My business partner has been nominated for KEZ Woman of the Year. On Thursday they are having a big shindig to honor the 12 women who have been nominated this year. Cyndi does not expect to win but, after all she has been through, she does deserve some positive recognition.

Today, we were talking about how the Zambia project began. We recalled how naïve we were to think we could start the film industry in Zambia. Cyndi commented that she was always most excited about giving a voice to a people and culture that had not ever had been heard in the global cinema before. Now that this film — the first one written by a Zambian, directed by a Zambian and featuring an all Zambian cast — is almost finished, she feels a certain satisfaction that we made that happen. I think she should be proud of herself. I don’t know of anyone who rallied fourteen students, four faculty, a cast of more than fifty Zambians, and numerous supports in Zambia to accomplish such an endeavor. Do you? Didn’t think so.

Madness | 2 Comments »

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA, ARIZONA - Do you have one of those days when you are on the go from the minute you wake up? I feel like my life has been like that for a year and a half. Yesterday, I realized I have a lot going on in my life and all I could do was get the most pressing thing done first before finding the next depressing thing.

It is true we are editing two films. It is true we have finished one screenplay and are in the middle of the second with two others begging for attention. It is true we are anxious as we come so close to finally finishing this project. It is true we are apprehensive in deciding who will distribute, who to trust, who to count on.

It is true my daughter has been cast in MUSIC MAN and I volunteered to be the set coordinator. It is true that I taxi her to practices, run around finding set pieces and go to meetings with “play people.” It is true I am learning the ropes and am becoming acutely aware of the differences between stage sets and movie sets. BIG differences!

It is true I am still trying to manage my home. Keep everyone’s clothes clean, have food in the fridge and the house semi-clean even with one bathroom under repair, one bathroom still being remodeled and let’s not forget about the leaky roof issue and back porch repair. We won’t even discuss the exterior paint needs or carpet issues!

It is true I am trying to keep track of my sons and their lives. I stop whatever I am doing to listen to their discussion of their day or night. It is true I am glad they share with me and it is true they drive me crazy with their teasing and tossing and tormenting, but it is true I enjoy them!

It is true I visit once a day with my college daughter and listen to her stories of being cold and missing home, but more than that, she misses me and I miss walking arm in arm knowing we walk the same and laugh the same and even, at times, think the same!

It is true. All of it. I am on the go, go, go. Someone get me off the treadmill before I fall flat on my face! Ooops too late! SPLAT!

Madness | 3 Comments »

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN - MESA, ARIZONA - Well, isn’t this embarrassing? While I was out of town, I had an (uninvited) guest blogger. Although I would like to, I am unable to remove that blog. She is a master at what she chooses to be a master of — so I will live with it. My apologies to all who read one person’s warped opinion of reality. She really does need professional help!

So, the news is out. The response has been overwhelming. Cyndi’s former students are rallying around. This only supports our arguments of what a great teacher she is. Every day at the hearing, there are always surprises that the opposition did not anticipate. Friday will no doubt produce some more. We are so “sick and tired” of this waste of time and energy that, well, it is time to stop the madness!

I fear that the district will use its “unlimited resources” to bleed Cyndi dry. (Heaven knows that won’t take much longer.) I can only hope that someone begins to realize that those “unlimited resources” come from the Maricopa county taxpayers who have been pretty adamant about there being more fiscal responsibility. Let’s see how they explain this inappropriate use of funds! Someone may want something to help them swallow their embarrassment? We always have some Diet Pepsi on hand!

Madness | No Comments »

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, ARIZONA, USA — There are many lessons I have learned and some I continue to learn from my experience working on the FilmZambia project. The number one lesson? Always use Other People’s Money (OPM), preferably a studio’s money or a distributor’s money. What I am still trying to learn is how to get that money.

Of course there are a few exceptions that encourage filmmakers to believe they will be a member of a rare and elite club. The successful self-financed film members include Morgan Spurlock (SUPERSIZE ME), Kevin Smith (CLERKS), and Robert Townsend (HOLLYWOOD SHUFFLE). These exceptions tease and titillate filmmakers. The truth is, is every filmmaker believes in “his or her story.”

Their story, their cinematography, their editing, their actors. They believe every element will help produce a successful piece of art. With that belief, they are bound and determined to get the money from whomever they talk to including their families, their friends and even … themselves! There are THOUSANDS of filmmakers who follow that film-financing path into a very dark tunnel. If a distributor or producer gets behind your film, chances are that they see an opportunity for financial success. The problem? First-time filmmakers can be quite naive. They are in it for the art. Yes, they want to make their movie, and they want to earn enough money to buy … more equipment to make another movie. Eventually they begin to understand that there is a business involved in the art of filmmaking and everyone has to eat food, sleep in a safe place, and buy and use TIDE.

It is hard to accept the experience and decision of the money people when they say “no” to your brilliant story. In our case, it was even more difficult. We were students. It’s impossible to get distributors to fund educational projects ahead of time. They want to see the finished product to know if the story hangs together because, well, let’s be honest, it’s students learning by doing. They’re cautious about giving money to that sort of thing. Especially if it is the very first of “that sort of thing.”

So, how did Cyndi end up in the rabbit hole that she did? Did she not preach and teach all of her students to avoid this very hole? This is what she said, “Surely I know the rule about OPM. If there’s anyone who knows this rule, it is me. When I told my filmmaking nephew that I was well over $80,000 on these two films and was probably going to go over $100,000 by the time they were done, I thought he was going to have a stroke. ‘Are you out of your mind?’ Jason gasped. ‘You used your money? Is that why you sold your house?’ he asked.” Didn’t really answer the question did it? To be honest, it was a bit complicated. Hey Cyn! This would make a great movie!

Well, there’s nothing like being called on the carpet by someone half your age. And, if Cyndi wasn’t feeling embarrassed before Jason started lecturing her, she surely got there after I put together this little piece.

• Cyndi’s Houses (quicktime)
• Cyndi’s Houses (swf)

Don’t shoot the messenger! She sat and watched this and started to laugh. She actually has gotten to the point of being amused by her exuberance for the film. I mean to shout, “What are her alternatives?!!” Believe me she has shed plenty of tears. She cries like a giraffe. There is no sound! How very odd. In the middle of the day, I will turn to her work station and find tears rolling down those cheeks! Her motto now is, “If you decide it’s a good idea to go to Africa to make two films (and encourage 18 faculty and students to come with you for the learning experience of a lifetime), make sure the OPM you get is waaaaay more than a small educational grant that only covers the flight for about a third of the crew. Unless you don’t care if anyone ever actually sees the films that you made..”

If there is anyone who wants to invest in two middle-aged women with bright ideas, tons of ambition and enough energy to get the job done, well get in line or get out of our way. We are comin’ through. Thought I might try a unique approach to funding. Is it working for you?

Africa, Film Production, Indie Films, Madness | No Comments »