Pamela Jo Bowman

As I ride in the morning I often see this visually interesting shot. I want a crane to get the movement without the camera shadow. I think, movie? music video? documentary? hmmm. By the time I get to the park I pretty much have forgotten about the shot. After all by then I have moved on to movie ideas, the thought of falling into the canal, the scene re-write for the day, the man wearing a purple jogging suit (rather unattractive, shouldn’t someone tell him?) and all the little chores I am suppose to take care of that day. Day after day, except cloudy ones, I see the image again and I remember again and I begin again. That could be a great shot. The subtext. The rough gray wall, the shadow and movement. I arrive at the cement picnic table breathless because a.) I’m tired and b.) I see this. Blinded with the possibilities of this life, my life. Back on the bike. So much I want to learn and do and see. Chasing that shadow that is always a tad ahead of me. Keep pumping. Keep pumping. Keep pumping.

Wow.
Have I mentioned that writing is hard?

I should perhaps clarify.

Having someone read your work, the work you spent 6 months researching. The work you spent another month outlining. The work you spent 6 months writing only to have “people” read it and say, “nice writing, but ( I HATE that word) needs to be more dramatic.

Do you remember seeing Popeye get so mad that steam was coming out of his ears?
That would be me.

I have been reading a lovely book this month. (my Christmas gift I give to myself every year) This book was written especially for writers, BIRD BY BIRD, breaks writing down and also encourages the writer in ways that I find validating and possible. One of the chapter’s talks about letting the character tell their story. I shared this tidbit with my writing partner and while she traveled she thought about it and came up with ideas on how to improve the story mentioned above..

Of course she had to sit me down for a chat and gently explain that the story needed to be rewritten. I was stunned, hurt, disillusioned and well, frankly, I ate a lot last week.

This morning I woke up and realized that they or she or whoever was right. It does need to be more dramatic and more exciting. I know this story and I can do that and further more, I will!

Did I mention that writing is hard?

The work of writing and producing is …. Hard. Wow, aren’t I eloquent?

What I wish to convey is how difficult it is for me, with my rather anal personality, to always have work in progress and rarely have work completed. I like to finish. No, I need to finish. I know, it’s a sickness. So lets review the last couple of years to help me feel better.

We wrote two screenplays, produced one full length feature and two documentaries, one art instructional dvd, a half dozen shorts for friends and family, learned about legalities, researched out three other writing products, taught 3D animation classes, created several web sites and managed to gain weight.

Now we are ready to take our screenplays to the big boys. Once they are sold will I feel that sense of doneness? (Is that a word?) Probably not because we are now in the beginning stages of another screen play and I can’t lose weight!

Today, I will finish baking Saac’s birthday cake, then we will eat it. Great, something started, completed, consumed and cleaned. It will be a lovely day.

I feel so much better, thank you.

Have I mentioned before how much I love editing? Just in case anyone is confused…. I love editing. I am half way through reviewing like 50 hours of footage for one of these current projects. Some of the footage I am seeing for the first time. I found myself laughing out loud on a 4 second clip. Robby, you were tooooo funny!

I am glad that we put this footage away for a while because seeing it through seasoned eyes gives it an entirely different perspective! Unfortunately, my neck is burning big time. It happens when I edit, read, write, swim. I know… I am a pain in the neck!

All I know is I am happy when I edit. I love the creative process.

Almost finished! Page 90 of a 120-page screenplay. I like it so much that I WANT others to read it. I am so close to turning it over to “the editor.” Besides finding all my grammatical errors, spelling errors, and verb tense errors, she is able to see where it is weak AND she is excellent with adding the little details … details that I assume everyone knows but it turns out that I thought about them but that they are only in my head!

Today, I found Robert Mugabe’s address and email. I am seriously going to write to him and ask for an interview. I mean why wouldn’t he want to tell the world about the first Mrs. Mugabe. She was a strong, determined force of good for the young country of Zimbabwe. I have learned it never hurts to ask! Everyone else thinks I am nuts for wanting to do it but I’ve tilted at windmills before.

So, Cyndi, Alec and I have been working on a short. I think we will shoot it soon, hopefully before she moves to Los Angeles. She’s been threatening to move for years but I think she means it this time. This last week we did a small film shoot of a Celtic Concert. It has been over six months since we were in production! We forgot how much fun it is. I spent yesterday editing. I love editing. For the last three years, she has been trying to get me to consider working on more than one project at a time. I told her I don’t work that way. So she schedules a film shoot, a meeting to pitch ideas, an editing session, a writing deadline. I find myself working on several projects at once. She has her way of getting her way. Smart girl.

It is spring when everything seems possible in spite of how it all seems so improbable. Can’t you feel it in the air? Change and hope and sunny skies and sometimes the rain to make everything grow … even me.

Yesterday we had a business lunch. I always get a little quiet during these little meet and greets. I think it is warranted. There have been so many times that we have met with someone and shared our ideas and plans and then find they have taken our idea, knowledge or connections and have used it to benefit their plans leaving us in the dust. So I watch and observe and keep my mouth shut and listen.

While we were at Sundance this year I watched the different filmmakers as they cautiously networked with one another. Never quite sure who would be their friend or next business opportunity, they knew they had to be vulnerable because they can’t do everything themselves… well some can, but I believe the work suffers. Another story!

So back to lunch. Cyndi was quite in her element, asking questions, getting answers, providing comic relief, being her intelligent self. I guess the man couldn’t take it anymore. He finally looked at me and asked a question. I began talking to him about our stories and plans and hopes. I mentioned several of our projects and there was one that he latched onto and confirmed his belief that it was a great story.

As we said our farewells, His comment was something like, “You need to talk more.” I told him that if I talked more I couldn’t be listening. I think he got it, but so did I.

There is something wonderful about having our story ideas validated. Who knows, he might be calling one of his writer friends and telling them about it. Or maybe we found another team player. Sure hope so. If we have learned anything we have learned filmmaking is a collaborated effort with people you can trust. And being able to express myself without judgement does build trust. We don’t all have to agree, but to be in a space of mutual respect and consideration made me feel good about me… and about him.

Seeing your loved ones “bigger than life” almost enables the world to feel the enlarged heart of a mother … almost …

My sister and parents came all the way from California to share this momentous occasion with me. My husband and children were by my side selling tickets, directing traffic, greeting guests and some just choose to stay out of my way! Wistie surprised me and flew in on Saturday! She was going to wear a formal to the movie house! That girl is a hoot. I hid her dress! We chased each other around the house. She found it under my bed! Ciera was ever so helpful, the little producer that she is. She had everything organized and timed out. Ben sold tickets. Saac warmed the seats. Always the gentleman. Chris thought to buy flowers for Cyndi and me … and presented them to us after the show. Did I see tears in his eyes? I’d like to think they were tears of pride not of humiliation, but who can tell from the gentle giant? My father and mother were in attendance and rumor has it that she fell asleep! My father will remind us all that he is, after all, 80 years old! She is only 74, so I do not know what her excuse is! I did appreciate their support in coming to this event. It was a fun evening. Cyndi said we had to greet the guests and end with a Q&A. I was not happy about that but it went okay. It is times like these when you discover who really is “family” whether by blood or bond. I appreciate those who cared enough to come. And those who made the effort to call and wish me well (JOANIE!) and those who missed out … well … missed out.

So…

What is it like to spend 10 years researching, writing, filming, scripting, casting, editing and finally debuting your work for friends, family and complete strangers?

It was rather liberating. One of the funny things is that I don’t really care what they thought. Some came up to me and talked about what they didn’t like. I just smiled but seriously didn’t care. Don’t be confused. I wanted to know what they thought but at the same time their opinions did not bum me out or cause self-doubt to invade my fragile ego.

I am proud of this film. I believe it tells a good story because it is based on the journal writings of those who actually went through this ordeal. We spent hours, days, and weeks trying to find visuals that could represent their words and do justice to their lives. I believe it is amazing.

That is not to say there aren’t things I would like to change or make better, but at some point you have to move on. I have to move on. I think I am weird. I enjoyed the process more then the end result. Kind of like it’s all about the journey and not the destination.

For me, I like the journey. So….journey on!

I grew up with a large extended family. I grew up hearing the adult whisperings. Sometimes there was muffled laughter, sometimes muted cries. Shock, grief, joy, love. It is what family is to me.

Living in the Colonies among people I was not related to by blood provided a different experience, an experience beyond family of origin. Sharing one’s day-to-day living with friends and neighbors builds extended bonds of family … strong connections that endure and sustain.

We were reviewing the documentary and I was struck by a particular interview. “Everyone was interested in you and you were interested in everyone else. It was like … a big family.” This from a man who spent his entire life in the Colonies.

This weekend we will be screening our documentary at the Superstition Springs Harkins Theater. Many of our friends and families have shown great love and support over the months as we stubbornly worked to complete this project. As the project reaches the finale, we are discovering who has a genuine interest in us and our efforts.

Filmmaking forces a lot of common time. We have had many private conversations about our lives. We have shared adult whisperings. Sometimes there has been muffled laughter, sometimes muted cries. This weekend we share our work with those who remain interested in what we’ve created. Not really a comfortable place for either of us, but the story was meant to be shared and we are sharing with those who care.

It is what familes do.