January, 2013 Archives


Driving Miss Crazy

by Pj in Family, Random

keysI am teaching my daughter to drive.  She has not been in a hurry, but last month I heard about a really disturbing incident.

I heard about a young girl who went to work. Her boss left an important work element (the life giving clipboard) at a local large warehouse store we shall call the big S. The employer was frantic because she did not have time to get this most important lifeblood of her business. So quite naturally she asked her young employee if she drove. The reported response was, “not legally.”

The employer handed this unlicensed, unpermitted, employee the keys.

“But, I don’t have my license or permit.”

“I don’t care. Go get the clipboard. We need it and I don’t have time!”

So the employee, with all her knowledge, experience and confidence gained from driving around the church parking lot one whole time time for 15 minutes, jumped into the big ton truck and proceeded to drive the 2.25 miles to the Big S.

Of course she arrived without incident. After all, teen-agers are invincible.

But now she was faced with a terrifying situation.  She did not know what to do. I mean who would? Probably the excitement of being on “the road again,” or for the first time did not leave much thought to all the ramifications of this assignment.  Driving to the warehouse was no problem, but without, you know, actual driving experiences plus the added responsibility of getting that clipboard, she never even considered the entire picture which included … parking.


Driving through “the back roads” through stoplights and stop signs without a permit or license or experience did not cause her any anxiety, fear or trepidation, but parking?  What’s a girl to do? She knew she was in some serious trouble.

cautionFrantically she circled the parking lot. She tried to park it but the “stupid” truck was just too big! Good thing she has such good common sense! After thinking it through she recognized her limitations and her options.

She made a plan. She began the execution of the plan. She drove to the front entrance of the warehouse, leaped out, entered the store, requested the clipboard and returned successful to the truck waiting idly by.  Brilliant! Wasn’t she smart!

She drove happily back to work proud of her accomplishment and her quick thinking to solve such a terrifying and insurmountable problem.

So,  after hearing this story, I slowly sank to the floor and requested that she do the same. I calmly explained to my daughter how utterly stupid and irresponsible this girl was for risking her life, the life of others, for breaking the law, for jeopardizing  so very much for a, a, …. clipboard! I made her promise that she would never be so irresponsible. And that if someone asked her to do something illegal she needed to have the strength of character to say no!

I decided right then and there that was not going to happen to my daughter.  To prevent such immature and irresponsible and flagrant acts against the law, reason and good sense I insisted she get her permit the very next Monday.

Surprisingly she drives really well.. except for parking.


Want to Get There

by Pj in Random

On one of my computer screens I have a picture of a road that disappears into tuly fog.

It reminds me of traveling to the mountains. Sometimes, not very often, we became shrouded in tuly fog.  It was thick and clearly dangerous for travelers. My father would slow down and dim the headlights that reflected back at us. Sometimes I thought we should turn off our lights and let the self-illuminated fog light our way. I was taught that we needed to be concerned with what we were going toward, but also what lay behind us as well. The rear red lights would tell others, “we are here.”

Traveling cautiously forward, we became quiet, the radio was turned off, our eyes widened and our ears listened as we concentrated and stared into…nothing.

It was a relief when the fog began to dissipate into wisps and eventually we could see our way again.

January feels like that to me sometimes. The year lays ahead and I anticipate it optimistically. I have a map, a plan, but sometimes…life happens.

No matter how I chart the future and envision the road and gaze into the distance, I cannot know what lies ahead. I nervously glance behind to see if I am alone or is someone careening toward me reminding me of where I’ve been.

I could pull over and watch others and sometimes I do. I acknowledge that I learn a ton watching how others do things. Eventually though I need to be brave and get back on the road. I am not satisfied being a spectator. The purpose of observing was to learn so I could do.  Staying too long risks dependency on what others know and eventually depreciates me.

I could follow someone else closely or travel together and I have. Safety in numbers you know, but eventually they turn or stop or lag.  I have enjoyed the companionship, but eventually I feel angry, frustrated and less than. I get lost.

Tuly Fog ClearingThe fog will clear.  I will see where I need to go and I will see where I have been. A moment of reprieve and of relief. I feel safe to move ahead. The feeling is…light, a little unfamiliar and maybe even awkward, but the way is there, present and possible.

January. Resolutions. Hopes. Dreams. Expectations.

The fog will embrace me again. It always does.

I know it’s about the journey. I know I will doubt my decisions. I will doubt my intentions. I will doubt my abilities, but it won’t matter.  I’ll get as far as I can today one step at a time because…

I really want to get there, wherever my there is.





The List

by Pj in Random

Sometimes I feel the only thing coming out of my mouth are all the negative thoughts  tumbling in my head.

I have to admit those thoughts roll and merge until I don’t even notice the blue of the sky or my eyes that are still able to see it, if I but looked.

I have to consciously list 5 things everyday I am grateful for. Five events that I appreciate.

Some days five is a lot.

  1. Food
  2. Clothes
  3. Home
  4. Employment
  5. Family

Rather vague. There is no intimacy with my life in that list.

  1. The late night run with Ciera to Cheese cake factory to share a Godiva
  2. My after work comfy’s that Wistie shared with me from the Gap.
  3. My patio where I can sit, lay and ponder next to a warm fire.
  4. An assignment that is so incredibly challenging, but feeling a sense of pride and ownership in the effort.
  5. Planning a fondue night with my kids at the end of the month. YUM!

That wasn’t easy, but I felt a spark of joy.

Another day. I can do this.

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