May, 2011 Archives


Choking Stress

by Pj in Family

Stress: The confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it….

Or doesn’t.

I understand the paralyzed state. Been there a few times…this year. You know when there are so many things that NEED to be done you don’t do anything at all.

I am beyond that. I wake up every morning reminding myself that I can only do my best and that will have to be enough. I chase my tail for 15 hours.

The truth is that all the things I have been asked to do, committed to do, or am expected to do have nothing to do with what I LOVE to do, want to do and in the fiber of me, need to do to make this face smile and heart happy.

I have become irritable, sharp, sarcastic (more so then usual. Scary I know), and definitely a tad rude and insensitive.

There are others in this world who don’t deserve my verbal lashing, but lashing they get.

“Stress is basically a disconnection from the earth, a forgetting of the breath. Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important. Just lie down.” Natalie Goldberg

I like it, but it aint’ going to happen.

What will happen is that the voices in my head remind me of all the tragic events in people lives and that I should stop whining and be grateful that I have all that I have.

Please, someone choke the living daylights out of me. I desperately deserve it!


Isaac and Rachel

by Pj in Family

Isaac is getting married…..soon….very soon. He told me last week he thinks it will be on the 31st…. of MAY! (please note the word thinks!!!!)

Her name is Rachel. And he loves her.

When I was choosing names for my sons, I chose biblical names. I liked them. They were names that symbolized strength and character. So now Isaac is marrying Rachel.

As most of you know Rachel was the woman that Jacob desperately wanted to marry. In fact he actually thought he was marrying her, but under the veil was her older sister Leah.

It took seven years before Rachel became his bride.

Isaac feels like he has had to wait that long for his Rachel. So he is tired of waiting and he wants to marry the woman of his dreams., NOW. Rachel is a woman who is spiritually mature, who knows who she is and what she wants and fortunately who she wants is Isaac. It is fun listening to them laugh and tease each other. They sometimes bicker, but they do so with the confidence that at the end of the moment it will be all right. They will be all right. Sometimes learning how to compromise can be difficult, but it can also be enlightening. You learn about the other person, but you also learn about yourself.

I hope his friends and family are able to come celebrate this special time with him. But what is true is that this is their day. It is not about the wedding, but about a marriage. It is about the day after and every day after that. It is about making moments together to treasure, remember and cherish.

He has the strength, courage and confidence to know that this is what he wants. It is good to be reminded by such commitment and devotion that, being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu

May 31st can’t come soon enough.


Keeper of Self

by Pj in Family

I have been researching and writing a horror screenplay. The theme is about family. About what it means to be your brother’s keeper. It asks the question to the exclusive family society what is our responsibility toward one another. Does it ever end?

And if serious mistakes are made, and they always are, do our family loyalties override our ability to see what is true or do we justify the behavior with shared life experiences only privy to the family?

Sometimes family members behavior is so foreign we wonder if we really know anyone as well as we thought. Which should naturally lead to the thought, does anyone really knows us.

It is fun and enjoyable to tease one another about the qualities and quirks that have clearly been passed down through generations, but some issues or personalities are never discussed. We deny any ownership of those unacceptable pesky little traits.

When we extend the familial loyalties to our friendships we often find deep satisfaction in discovering a friend to share and confide in until the dark day when their actions and expressions are contrary to the impression they diligently planted in your heart. When the truth is hitting us over the head, do we walk away, grab a bat or draw a line that breaks the deal?

But I digress or do I?. This is about a screenplay. The logline is, a brilliant and impulsive detective persuades her introverted brother to leave their small town and the haunting reminders of their childhood tragedy behind and enjoy big city anonymity only to be exposed as the prime suspect in her serial killer investigation.

Kind of different from the historical genre I am typically drawn to. I have been told this is more marketable. I don’t know if that is true, but I am giving it a shot in an effort to be my own keeper.


May May

by Pj in Family, Information, Random

“We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.” Jonathan Swift

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