March, 2009 Archives

30
Mar

Migraine Message

by Pj in Random

Pain (any pain — emotional, physical, mental) has a message. The information it has about our life can be remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: “We would be more alive if we did more of this,” and, “Life would be more lovely if we did less of that.” Once we get the pain’s message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away. — Peter McWilliams

I spent the day with a lovely migraine. I tried a hot bath, hot chocolate, my hot bed, hot medicine, but nothing relieved the pain. Now I am unable to sleep! I am such a baby!

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I know a few people who are not enjoying good health and many who endure chronic pain. I can’t imagine living like that. I watch Chris and how he has dealt with chronic back pain for as long as I have known him. I know others who are bedridden. Their families live moment to moment in this kind of suspended state waiting and hoping that every day brings a solution, a change, an improvement. As with everything, we all get through whatever we have to get through and later ponder how we did it. I think we find that we are stronger than we realized and are always grateful for the return of good health. Sad how appreciation is discovered after life has depreciated.

Wistie was sick last week. A minor flu, but as her Mother I began to imagine the worst. I found myself crying at the thought of not ever seeing her or any of my children or friends again. Life is fragile and unpredictable. She got better in time to leave for a California weekend. Ben drove to Saint George so then I imagined all the horrific possibilities that could have occurred for them on the road. Did I tell them that I loved them? Was our last conversation happy and positive?

I know I am pathetic, but I am not alone. At least I don’t think I am. When I hear of family or friends in the hospital or find out that they are sick, I cannot rest until I hear their voice reassuring me that they are alright. I would be more alive and life would be so much more vital if I paid less attention to the lesson of ill health and replaced it with the celebration of good health.

One time, I did not speak with a friend for like three years because I had moved to Mexico. When I was able to call her, I discovered her husband had died in a car accident and left her a widow at 24. A single mother with a small daughter. I did not know and I was unable to offer my time and heart to listen to her, I console myself with the thought that there were others there for her at the time. Chris and I got into our car and drove from Mexico to SLC to spend the weekend with her. Maybe that is when she needed me, after time had passed and her family and other friends had adjusted to this tragedy.

I want to get my pain’s message, follow its advice so my headache will go away. I have a life I want to appreciate and loved ones I want to hug! And now that the weekend is over and Wistie is safely back at college and Ben is safely back home I can start imagining other things … maybe I can direct this fear, nervous energy and maudlin imagination into my scripts instead of my poor family’s lives.

27
Mar

Always Remember

by Pj in Random

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“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” — Christopher Robin to Pooh

23
Mar

Library Bound

by Pj in Random

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Today we received our first order for a library. Many might not think that is all that, but imagine going into a library and knowing something you created was purchased so many can have access to it! As a writer, I always imagined having a book sitting on one of those shelves, but I will take a movie. This is very cool.

21
Mar

Whizzing By

by Pj in Random

Spring break whizzed by!

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One day we thought we would take the kids for a hike. I went 2/3 of the way and realized something was wrong. I didn’t feel so well. I sent everyone up the mountain and then I found a shaded rock and rested until I felt I could get myself down the mountain.

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It was just what I needed, quiet time alone in nature. It was very pleasant. We then went to lunch and then spent the rest of the day at the pool/lagoon and even got in a racquet ball game. I think it was a lovely day. I thank Cyndi for generously providing these facilities to my friends and me. What a great perk!

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As Cyndi continued to supervise her mother’s health issues and I supervised my daughters activities we managed to spend a great deal of time recovering hard drives from computers. We got a lot accomplished, but we both missed the work we love… writing. Hopefully this next week we can focus again on our stories. I think taking a break might have been just the thing we needed. And if it wasn’t, it is what we got.

Sometimes life whizzes by as fast as spring break.

14
Mar

Living Large

by Pj in Random

As my boys grew up I KNEW that some day they would become best friends. I imagined that they would hang together and go on double dates and their children would be more then cousins, they would be friends. Lately, they have been spending more time together. They both love doing the same sorts of things, rock climbing, mountain biking, snow boarding and teasing their mother!

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This week they traveled to the cabin in Northern California to ski on the mountain I learned to ski on. (thanks mom and dad for taking them in) Today they drove down to San Francisco. They went to Alcatraz, where I have never been! Tonight they are walking the streets in one of the most beautiful cities in the world! I remember doing that in high school! Our Junior Prom was in the city! How fun was that!
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Thanks to my kindergarten boyfriend, they were able to stay in a very nice hotel at a very good price! (Michael, you are forgiven for not sharing your popcorn at the movies!) Tomorrow they will travel home. They send me pictures everyday to remind me of all I am missing. Just another way to yank my chain!

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What is wonderful to me is that they invited me to go with them on their spring break. I declined, but I know they were sincere. It is their time to create their own memories. Some day, they will be getting pictures from their kids and they will smile and remember the smell of the wharf and the people and the sunny days of youth. Cherish it as I cherished it and still do.

10
Mar

Live, LAUGH, Love

by Pj in Random

I have now been referred to this blog twice. Both times I could not believe what I was reading. This blogger is queen. Hope you have a sense of humor, if you don’t find this amusing then I would take a look at finding one. It makes life much more fun! Check out Kristina P and have a snuggy day!

7
Mar

Camped Out

by Pj in Random

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I believe my days of camping have come to an end.

Last night we went up to a lake and camped over night. Ciera and her friend slept in a tiny tent and Chris and I slept in the back of the Tahoe. We had a queen size air mattress. Chris has sleep apnea. So he sleeps with a breathing machine. We plugged it into the cigarette lighter. It seemed like it would all be alright.

It is true I took an allergy pill and that might have contributed to my inability to sleep, but I think it was…. Chris. He kept having to shake out the tube, or reset it or go to the bathroom or start the car to make sure the battery didn’t go dead. When he got up once, he closed the door, but apparently he didn’t like how it closed, so he closed it again and for some reason he had to check to make sure it was REALLY closed. Let’s slam that sucker! Sounds good to me! ARGHHH. The first 6 hours I was patient. It was a beautiful night. The stars were magnificent until the brightness of the moon kind of hid them. That moon was SOOOO bright! So big and as the night wore ever so slowly on the moon and mood started to eclipse. It was kind of cool, except for the machine and Chris’ tossing and turning and the air mattress plastic noise and every time he turned over the cold air would be drawn in. He put two different kinds of sleeping bags together so we couldn’t zip them. That increased the draft element as well. He did apologize in the morning, but I think he thought it was funny.

I did try to use the time wisely. I thought about the stories we are working on. Came to some decisions. Starting pondering different scenarios. (Wife murders husband in local campground attributed to no sleep syndrome.) But mostly, as the sun rose I just wanted to hurt Chris. I gave up and went to the bathroom. When I came back he made some snide comment about “Mary Sunshine and didn’t I look lovely.” You want Mary Sunshine? I’ll give you Mary Sunshine! WAK!

Yep, my camping days are pretty much over. Bumping into cactus on a midnight run is something I can live without! tonight I am turning off that moon and getting some sleep!

4
Mar

Turn on a Lamp

by Pj in Random

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Sometimes at night I light a lamp so as not to see. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

I had to explain to my children this year why I hesitate to drive at night. Diminished vision is hard to explain to young bright eyes. They see so much without seeing much at all.

As my sight begins to dim shadows catch my attention on the fringes of my time. Memories are more distant. My here and now more present.

The darkness of night, once an ancient peaceful ally moans and creaks and whines as the neon of time slowly clicks the seconds until light blinds my mind.

Yes, turn on the candle, the light, the sun. So much to see without seeing much at all.

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