Pamela Jo Bowman

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN – MESA ARIZONA -

Dandelion dust sparkles in the twilight.
Slithering on taut toddler tummy.
Grass stains embedded on scraped elbows and knees.
Cherubic fist clutching the flowered weed.
Young thing run, hide then seek
Search with eyes wiser than tender years
Lick away salty, stubborn tears.
You’ve seen more than you should.
You know more than you understood.
Young thing run and find and seek.
Unplanned, unwanted, unknown.
You count.

One, two three. A,b,c, do, re, mi.
So visible the whole world can see.
The splendor of what you are blind to be.
Don’t disappear in the ancient shadows.
deafened by words old and wrong and dead.
You are bright, a loyal, external, luminous light.
Shine around and through the bad, the good, the true.
Understand what others denied but knew.
You count too.

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN – MESA, ARIZONA – My daughter is away at school. Today was her first day of classes. I felt I could call tonight and not seem completely overbearing. We had a delightful conversation. She emailed me her blog address. I checked it out and felt pride not as a mother, but as a woman. She gives me hope that her generation sees the value in themselves and each other. So, to the class of 2011, our future rests in your eyes.

Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz
1648-1695

Turn your eyes toward yourself
and you’ll find in yourself and in them
not only occasion for love
but compulsion to surrender.

Meanwhile my tender care
bears witness I only live
to gaze at you spellbound and sigh,
to prove that for you I die.

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN – MESA ARIZONA – I believe this is a generation of deflection. I asked my son if he cleaned his bathroom. He shares it with his older brother Saac. Mind you, he is a 21-year-old man. His response? Saac didn’t clean it either. I automatically go into defense mode to respond to a response that didn’t really respond to my question. What is that?

In the confusion of recent events, real issues have been side-stepped as the “problem havers” have found ways to deflect the real issues by creating side issues that have nothing to do with the real issues. Confusing, no? Mission accomplished.

Maybe they like the drama and confusion their denial creates. Deflecting the issue is to deny you might have a problem. To be fair, it is difficult to be honest with oneself and own what really is. I believe that would require growing up and being courageous enough to recognize your weakness and to choose a different behavior. News Flash! Sometimes adults are wrong. Sometimes we make mistakes. And guess what, that is okay. Being an adult doesn’t require perfection. It requires humility.

What I know is I need to own what is mine and I really need to stay focused on the “real” issue. So Ben, I don’t care if Saac cleaned the bathroom or not. Grow up. Get in there and clean it! It’s yours, so own it.

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN – MESA ARIZONA – This weekend my bones could feel the equinox changing. I felt chilled in the heat of the day. I feel it every year. It makes me sad as summer ends and the year begins its decline.

Of course, as the change begins, it is beautiful. The leaves turn to amazing shades of orange. Yellow. And, red. One last splash of color before the trees lay dormant for a season. The autumn also makes me happy. A whispered promise of chilly days. A chance to wear warmer clothes and cuddle with loved ones, drinking hot chocolate and nibbling on iced cinnamon rolls.

The season ends with family traditions and moments spent loving one another and life itself. Children are back at school and soon are at my door begging for Halloween candy. Thanksgiving is overshadowed by the holidays and then New Year’s Eve closes the season. It always leaves me feeling a tad blue. All the unfulfilled hopes and unrealized dreams of the previous year haunt me.

Soon, Indian summer will begin. Evenings will be spent in night games of hide and seek. Will someone find me hiding beneath the fallen leaves? Will I touch base and free myself?

Moments of a life, my life. My bones can feel the change. Chills in the heat of my life. I do not want to miss my splash of orange.

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN – MESA, ARIZONA – Having a child, raising a child allows human beings to know what unconditional love really is. One of the most challenging aspects of parenthood I have encountered so far has been watching my children grow into adults and choose a companion. I am unable to see into these strangers’ pasts to know what life experiences they have and know what those experiences have taught (or failed to teach) them about commitment, love and marriage.

There are some young women who do not love themselves and so are incapable of loving another human being fully. It has been my sad experience to see my sons hurt by such young women. In my opinion, when you “really” love another human, you are as committed to their happiness as you are to your own. And they in turn are fully committed to your happiness and fulfillment. When you have experienced that overwhelming feeling of love for another person to the point that you prefer to spend your time with them and, if it is not possible to spend your time with them, then you want to spend your time on their behalf, well then “you love them something awful.” It is that feeling that is worth waiting an eternity for and not a moment less! Those are the moments when you know you “really” love another.

When that feeling is not reciprocated then it really isn’t as deep and profound as it should be. When two people find that space, that bubble, that intimacy, anything is possible. Without it nothing seems probable.

I know my sons and daughters will experience a love that is profound and sacred one day. They will feel the difference and be inspired by it and will recognize the counterfeit. Their life experiences are reinforcing their knowledge about commitment, love and marriage. And it is reinforcing mine as well. I know those that truly love me will never deny me. They will always defend me, protect me and remain loyal to me as I am to them. After all, “I love them something awful.”