Pamela Jo Bowman

PAMELA JO BOWMAN – MESA ARIZONA – Sometimes, I can almost feel myself moving into another dimension. One day, you watch the sun set; the next day comes and the world feels different. Sounds are muted. Smells are less fragrant. Sights are foggy or hazy. In the end, I have to acknowledge that it isn’t the world that has shifted. The shift is in me.

I wish I could recognize the moment of change. What triggered it? Was it a song? A conversation? Just time passing and life experiences that have altered my own reality? If I could, would I recapture yesterday?

Certainly, some moments I do not want to forget. Inhaling my newborn’s breath. Wiggling their first loose tooth. Feeling their rib cage contract from giggling. Even seeing them feel pain and watching them grow from their own life experience is something I do not want to forget.

Other moments, I have forgotten. I know this because there is so much time I cannot account for. And some of those remembered moments that are triggered by a song or a smell do not bring me to tears or laughter any more. They are what they are, but they do not even warrant much energy in remembering them.

Perhaps, another dimension is just my way of looking at “it” — the “it” being my life. Fractured by time and places and people who probably have forgotten me as well. It is true there is nothing as constant as change. As I age, I can feel the change. It is what it is. So I shift.

PAMELA JO BOWMAN – MESA ARIZONA – We need not be afraid to touch, to feel, to show emotion. The easiest thing in the world is to be what you are, what you feel. The hardest thing to be is what other people want you to be. — Leo Buscaglia

Isn’t it interesting that so many of our decisions and actions are based on how we will look to others? So much energy is expended on making the “right” impression and then more energy on maintaining that impression. We become so programmed to be aware of how we look to others we ignore the one person we spend the most time with … ourselves. What do we think of ourselves? Are we comfortable being who we truly are with ourselves? What kind of impression would I have of me if I were meeting me?

Years ago, I started having the thought, “Will I ever see this person again? If not, why do I care what he/she thinks of me now?” It was very liberating. When my children started “acting,” I would often ask them, “Is there someone here I haven’t met yet that I need to impress?” I would glance around the party or school event or social function. Their eyes would begin to plead with me not to embarrass them. So of course I was obligated to embarrass them as much as I could!

In all honesty, I have to admit that, unconsciously, I am often concerned with what people are thinking or will think of me and mine. I believe we all want to be loved and accepted for who we really are. Sometimes, we might feel that, if we were who we really are, we might be rejected or abandoned by those we love most. Eventually, we discover that, if we can’t be who we really are, we have been rejected and abandoned by the most important person of all — ourselves.

“The easiest thing in the world is to be what you are and what you feel.” If we can be what we are and what we feel, then people end up liking the authentic “us”. And isn’t that all we really wanted in the first place?