Pamela Jo Bowman

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN - MESA ARIZONA - Have no friends not equal to yourself. — Confucious

After raising three children to adulthood, I am more convinced than ever that it has been their choice of friends that has made all the difference in their lives and mine.

“Mom! You must stop thinking we are so perfect!”

Whatever gave them that impression!?! I know their imperfections more than they. The difference is, I love them wholly and completely. All of them. Maybe their imperfections even more then their perfections. Perhaps that is why parents make the best of friends.

Tonight my daughter was leaving with her friends for a girls’ night out. The boys(friends) sat in my front room and considered staying here without her. I asked them if they were all going to move in when she left for college. We laughed, but they have been such a joy to have in my home, I wouldn’t mind keeping them around.

I examine my choice of friends in comparison. I have done equally well. For the most part my friends are loyal, kind, funny, and a heck of a lot of fun! I find the older I get the more I enjoy my friends. We have less drama between us, but the trust to share the drama outside of us. It is comforting. I feel sorry for those who are unable to enjoy such friendships. How lonely this world would be without a few choice chosen ones to share our moments of triumph and despair.

My children have been fortunate in this regard. I believe their friends are equally fortunate to have them as friends. They are equal to each other.

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PAMELA JO BOWMAN - MESA ARIZONA - It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. — Henry Louis Mencken

These last few months have been extremely difficult in regards to work and film and politics and lawyers and such. As my business partner has gone through such despair and disappointment by actions of her peers and “friends,” I have been inspired by her resilience to stand up for what is right. She is only one person, but she is determined to speak the truth and let the chips fall where they may.

Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely. —British historian, Lord Acton

It has caused many distractions in our creative pursuits. We have been working on screenplays, new series ideas and editing. Always editing. But, lately, much time must be spent researching. Perhaps it will be a book one day or a screenplay. Now, it’s just documentation. It is sadly human that those who have positions of authority tend to use that authority to benefit themselves. (Shall we talk politics and oil?) It seems that when money and power are involved, many people are unable to handle authority and remain loyal to ethical standards or even established policies.

I am a person of great faith so I am confident that as the truth is revealed, justice will prevail and those who are wrong will be dealt with appropriately. Those who have been wronged will be acknowledged, exonerated and compensated.

Just a few more weeks and the truth will set us all free. Free to get back to work on the things we really want to be doing … writing, making films, teaching, creating.

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PAMELA JO BOWMAN - MESA ARIZONA - My children are no longer children. At least three of them are not. How did that happen? I tried to enjoy every moment I could with them. And they grew up anyway. They have thoughts I do not know or even anticipate. They have dreams they have never whispered to me in the still of bedtime moments. They have memories that do not include me. They have pictures of places I have never been and they know people I will never know.

My children find me … irritating. I know they talk about me behind my back. Not in a bad way. I am confident that they share laughter about my behavior or irrational moments. I have become the glue that binds my family together. I provide common conversation for them. “Remember when Mom….” Then laughter erupts and subsides when I enter the room. Funny, but I am not offended. I embrace this new place and time I am in. Those quarreling youngsters have evolved into young adults. I love watching them because my children are becoming best friends. What a joy.

My children will, in the coming years, have children of their own. I hope they are so close to their children that they breathe in their baby’s breath and hold in their childhood secrets. I hope they learn when to keep quiet and never to keep quiet for long. I hope the love they have expands until their children laugh at them when sibling rivalry turns to revelry.

My children are no longer children, but they will always be mine.

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BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN - MESA ARIZONA

Hold me in your eyes.
Do not lash me away.
Reach for me through words
I will never hear you say.

Hold me with a touch
That I can never feel.
Touch me with sacred silence
That will never yield.

Hold me in the sound
Vibrating from within
Waves hovering beneath
Beyond the reach of skin.

Glance. Gaze. Then glance away.
Eyes flutter, flit, dance and sway.
Stay. Look deep to hold me through.
Feel the space I hold for you.

Invaded by jaded jade.
Too hurt to hold the hope.
Seeing my sight of near imposed
Known before your lashes closed.

You tempt, tease, turn away.
Too late. You are found.
A barrier erected, connection daunted
My vision held vacant on barren ground.

Steady I stare and pray.
To be known as I have known
Lonely then and lonely still
Waiting for a glance sincere.
Unfound, unknown and unloved still.
Hold me.

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BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA ARIZONA - Last week, Jane, a dear friend died. She was the “emergency number” that my parents had given the school to call if they could not reach them. There were times the school called her and she came. It is comforting for a young person to know there are others in the world who care about you in addition to those who are supposed to care about you. For me that person was Jane.

I hadn’t seen her for two years. She had been ill, but it was still a surprise to hear of her passing. I can still see her so clearly in my mind. She always had a warm and inviting smile for me. That is how I remember her. I know there were times she was probably frustrated with her daughter and me because of our antics. I am sure she was impatient with the messes we made and failed to clean up. Mostly, though, I remember the smiles and, sometimes, the laughter. Some situations are even more funny later on … years later on!

Remembering has a domino affect. When I recall Jane then I think of her husband Al and then their children (my friends) Mike and Patty. Then I recall the other families who lived around the cabin. Then their children. It goes on and on. One connection leads to another until I have probably come full circle and thought of … you. Does everyone do that? Spend time remembering people and moments that make you smile? Moments that can still warm your heart decades later? Jane reminds me of my childhood. Carefree days at the beach or in the mountains or at her breakfast table eating French toast or being chased by the police on our 3.5HP dark green mini bikes. Oh … I digress.

Last week, I had to put down emergency contact numbers for my daughter. I was thinking that this was the “Jane” in her life, the guardian angel who will come if we cannot be found. Come to think of it, she has more than one! Lucky girl!

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BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA ARIZONA — Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.” – Douglas MacArthur

My son Ben returns. Time will tell if he understands what real weakness is, what courage really is, what humility really is. Time will tell.

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BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA ARIZONA — Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. – Martin Luther King

It is true that I do not believe in destiny. I believe in choice. I also believe that we are all affected by the choices and actions toward each other. You know this is true when you receive such a simple thing as a sincere smile. How that brightens a day! The reverse is equally true.

In a more profound way, when those who have been unjustly dealt with stand up and say “No! You may not tarnish my good name and reputation with lies and deceit,” it should empower all of us to stand for what we believe in and for ourselves. In my experience, standing for oneself is the hardest thing of all. How quick we are to believe the worse. Even in the face of validating evidence to the contrary, the seed of doubt was planted. It may lay dormant, but it is still planted.

Where does your choice lie? If someone were being unjust to you would you stand and defend yourself? If you knew of an injustice to another, would you stand for them? Just where do you stand? Remember that inescapable network of humanity to which we all belong, in which we are all entangled. Whatever affects one directly, affects ALL indirectly.

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BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA, ARIZONA - Tonight, I was able to view the Grand Prize winners of last year’s PBS/ITVS Independent Lens Online Shorts Festival. I watched “ Paris, 1951” and “Someday Flowers Bloom.” These two films are works of art and works of love.

Viewing them reminded me of my hope and reinforced my commitment that more voices be heard. I believe the movie audience is hungry for good stories told in a unique way from a distinctive, individual point of view. As with a good book, the audience is able to find insight into themselves in a story that opens the doorway to the life of another. Our human ability to empathize and relate makes it become a story of self.

I believe good movies will always find an audience in America. The audience is becoming more sophisticated (although we also have shorter attention spans). This can create a quandary, especially if, as an artist, you want to …eat. Digital filmmaking has reduced the cost of making films to the point that more storytellers are choosing to tell their story based on the joy of telling a meaningful story rather than just for the joy of making the money. Eventually though, a filmmaker has to value his or her work enough to charge for it. To finally realize that your work has worth is a day and moment worth documenting. It is a powerful moment that disspates quickly, but slowly comes back to linger longer until an artist sells his work more frequently.

Visualize a world where everyone has the time to use their creativity in some capacity. Envision the everyday joy of living and creating. As I work on the films and write screenplays, it is what I experience every day. Everyone should be involved in some capacity of creating their works of art! If done with pure intent then they are works of love. And most people recognize that when you are in love everything and anything is possible.

For your viewing enjoyment, PBS/ITVS Online Shorts.

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BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA ARIZONA — If your mouth turns into a knife, it will cut off your lips. – African Proverb

I like quotes. I like to apply them to my life. A few years ago, I decided to invoke one that I’d heard from my mother for much of my life, “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.” (It’s my Mom’s birthday today so it’s nice to have the chance to say something nice about her. That’s a photo of Mom, Bonnie Green, to the left.)

Following her advice, I discovered how very quiet I became when I could only say nice things! It taught me something about myself. I was sarcastic! (Who? Me? Couldn’t be!) I was judgmental. (So are you!) I was a tad negative in a witty sort of way. (Was not. Was so. Was not. Shut up already!) I decided to change. Imagine that. It really is possible. Silence came with a price. Boredom. And a lot of people could see me swallowing the canary as I held back comment! I longed to converse again, so I began to read more books and articles that provided insight, information, and topics. What was I supposed to do with all these ideas in my head? Perhaps I could discuss what I read with others. This lead to … conversation again! Uplifting, interesting, and enlightening conversation.

One of the things that I learned is that some people don’t know how to converse. They know how to argue. Conversation is not a skill they possess. They leave no room for the opinion of others. Even worse, they might hear an idea that will require that they change a belief. That might require a little humility. Heaven forbid!

I am an addict of discussion. As a result, there are times I am exposed to the type of conversation that I chose many years ago to abstain from. On occasion, I meet a person that I believe warrants the “cutting off of lips.” They spew forth rumors, innuendoes, conjecture and pretty much a lot of garbage that muddies the water and prevents others from seeing what is so, especially themselves. Someone told me that is psychotic behavior. Only confirmed what I already knew. Insanity is involved. I believe the one who muddies the waters the most is the one who is trying to conceal their own waste.

At the end of the day what I know to be true is that, even if I know the ugly words aren’t true, they still hurt. They are the sharpest thing in the world and they hurt.

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BY PAMELA BOWMAN - MESA ARIZONA - There have been few moments in my life where I have felt connected to other humans. It takes time, energy and trust. Today was a day full of moments of sharing. I had many meaningful conversations with those I cherish. I am not sure I feel any more connected, but I feel more understood and certainly I took the time to understand. In the end perhaps who I know better and deeper is me. In the conversations today I felt what I already knew. Those who truly love me will continue to love me even if there is a difference of opinion, misunderstanding or even offense. How liberating to know I will be loved and accepted in spite of myself.

Today, I thought what the heck is unconditional love anyway? Just a bunch of horse hockey! One of those myths that people hope to find at the end of a distant rainbow. Then, I was embraced by friends eating a bowl of ice cream, discussing the hardship of parenting and budgeting and adjusting to the ever constant changes of life. I enjoyed a few moments of teasing my over-worked spouse. Then, I stayed up until the early morning sharing life experiences and insight with my recently-returned son. I am sleepy, but I feel a spark of hope that life can be all I hope it can be … and maybe even more.

Horse hockey? Anyone have a puck? Get in the game and swing away. I’ll be right behind you, unconditionally.

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