Pamela Jo Bowman

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN – MESA ARIZONA – “The excessive increase of anything causes a reaction in the opposite direction.” — Plato

We seem to live in a world of polar opposites. It is either a question or an answer. Hot or cold, happy or sad, mad or glad, manic or depressed, friend or enemy. Seems like options are being left out of the equation. Options that could and should provide more choices.

Extremes, in my opinion, are bad. Worse than bad, evil. A denial of options, of choices, is not what should be the norm in a free world. Recently I witnessed someone being completely selfless. It allowed the recipient to be completely selfish. Her example did not edify. It reinforced the concept that the receiver was somehow more important, more deserving then the giver. Instead of her generous charitable acts being accepted as the gift it was, it has become the expected norm at the constant expense of the giver.

Being completely selfish is obviously something we know is wrong and bad. How many times have I taught my children that and in turn reinforced the concept to myself? What I never considered is the polar reaction is probably just as bad — selflessness. Now, don’t get all extreme. Just consider, if you will the result of selflessness in this world. Are we not taught that selflessness is noble and good and the highest attribute?

Think about it. In our efforts to be unselfish how does our world interpret and then react to our actions. If we are always available for others and surrender everything for them, then their selfishness and self importance is reinforced. We are actually encouraging the selfishness of others as we deny to ourselves our own self-interest.

Those are not our only options. We do not and should not surrender our lives so others can live theirs. Just the opposite. (How is that for bi-polar! Even in discussion we are preprogrammed to swing from one extreme to the other) We should all live our lives full out. We should all consider what we truly want. And for most everyone that would include acts of charity. Sometimes that might mean time to listen. Other times it might mean time to assist. Sometimes, the person that needs the assist is oneself. We should at least have equal right to our time, resources and energy.

Perhaps what is really in question is our motivation. It should be that you be known to yourself. What motivates you? Is it looking good? Is it fear of rejection? Perhaps, fear of failure? Only you can know your intent. Just why are we so quick to forsake ourselves for others? Something to ponder, don’t you think? The answers might be a tad painful. Just how honest are you with yourself?

Honesty and dishonesty. Disagree or agree. Generosity or miserliness. Always or never. Life or death. Ok, maybe there are some polars that have no options. Unless we consider those living dead lives….hmmm, let’s save that for another day, rainy or sunny?

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA ARIZONA – Some day, we will be walking through those doors. We will be pacing out in the foyer waiting for the final credits to roll. We will stand by as the audience leaves and we will scan their faces to see if our movies touched their hearts. Our movies will be discussed at the water fountain, at those coffee places, on the phone between dear friends. “Have you seen it?…. YOU HAVE TO SEE IT!! IT MADE ME LAUGH, IT MADE ME CRY, IT CHANGED MY LIFE!” OK, maybe it didn’t change their lives, but for a moment it might have inspired them. That is all I want. Is that asking for too much? Ask? Did I say ask? We are making it happen!

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA, USA — Before we even got to Newport Beach we, of course, were planning activities for our three-day, two-night excursion. We talked about the driving and the meals and the organization and the final clean up. We were trying to figure out how to keep the kids occupied so we could get the neccesary work done.

It was then that I realized we were denying our children a learning opportunity about life. If we did all the work and they did all the play … they missed out and so did we. That wasn’t what I wanted to teach my daughter. So while we were in Newport, we spent some time talking to our children about gratitude, contribution and responsibility. This subject became our Newport vacation theme. We adjusted and told the kids our expectations for their participation. There were no arguments. They got busy and we all worked together and we all played together.

The last morning, the Moms and the children took turns telling each other what we were feeling grateful for at that moment. For me, being able to take time, just relax and live in the moment was wonderful.

I chose not to share what was in my melancholy heart with them. It had begun the previous evening when we went to watch the sunset. It was so clean and bright and beautiful. I was watching the people laugh and play on the beach. I watched my daughter with the other kids. I was amused at how they love to tease each other! I watched the sun slide quickly below the horizon. It reminded me of the African sunsets.

I remembered then that there are children in this world who don’t have the opportunity to appreciate a sunset or have mothers who teach them about work and gratitude. They work to survive and are grateful to have work. A sunset to many means the end of another day and the beginning of another cold hungry night.

I realized then that there are children in this world who are much “older” than I am. I could feel the tears brimming my eyes. So many sunsets I have enjoyed and felt inspired by. So many moments I am grateful for. So many friends that have touched my heart and changed my life. So many opportunities to stop and just…be. A teachable moment on the beach…for me.

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA, ARIZONA –
My friends and I took a couple of days off and drove over to Newport Beach. I love the beach. We were having such a lovely time! I was the first on the warm sand and the last to leave it. I built sandcastles and body surfed and suntanned and body surfed. Then I ate sand with my sandwich and body surfed. The thing I loved the most? Did I mention body surfing?

Later that evening, my friends decided to give me what they thought was a compliment. “Pam, when we are your age, we want to be just like you! You still know how to have fun!” That night, I spent a few hours on the floor. Should I mention the achy breaky muscles to those youngins? I don’t think so!

No matter what happens, I will always be older then these friends of mine. They will never catch up! What’s the point of being frustrated at being complimented on being a fun old lady? I know some day they will know what 49 feels like, but by then I will know what 65 feels like. Until then you want to catch the next wave with me? Oh, come on! It’s not that cold!

BY PAMELA JO BOWMAN – MESA ARIZONA – Tonight we celebrated our first son’s birthday. He is now married, in school and working. We went and had a lovely dinner. The most amazing part of the evening? He paid.

I think he really is an adult. After dinner we stopped off to visit some friends. We were actually trying to set one friend up with another friend. Time will tell the fruition of that meeting. As we were discussing relationships I read a quote.

“When you find the right one, it just ends up being worth it, there’s nothing that’s too hard, nothing seems impossible. In fact, everything finally seems possible.”

Makes you wonder. Makes you think. Makes me remember. When he was this little boy, all things seemed possible. Time did not seem limited. Nothing was too hard. For a gift this year, I wish I could give him the understanding of my years. Instead I will have the patience to give him the time to discover his own understanding.

Tonight I listened to him discuss his opinions, his thoughts, his convictions. My boy will always be my boy, but he has grown into his own man. So I received a gift tonight. It was worth it.

PAMELA JO BOWMAN, MESA ARIZONA – On Monday evening we get to share our Zambian experience with the public at the Gilbert Arizona Public library.
This is fun for us. We get to talk about our experiences with an interested and hopefully captivated audience. Friends who actually pay attention to what goes on at the libraries have been calling to ask if that is our crew. Yep, it sure is. We have presented our experience at other venues in the past. And every time those attending have been very supportive and interested in what we may be up to next. We love to share. We hope it encourages others to pursue their dreams.